It's been a while!

So it's been a while since I last wrote. I ended up getting an 85 as the grade on my Chemistry Final after test corrections. I got a 92 on my Algebra I exam and a 93 on my Algebra II exam. I got a 90 on my Civics and Economics exam. Last I got an 85 on my English I exam. Yay me. So glad that's over with! SIGH! So the last day of school came, and went. I cried pretty hard haha. I'm going to miss my friends all summer, and hope that somehow I will see them all again during the summer.SIGH! So the first week of summer has been fairly good. I cleaned and I dyed my hair. My best friend came over, and I have been having a lot of fun with her. My grandfathers birthday was today and we took him out to eat for it SIGH!. So I think I have a date for this Friday. I really like this guy. We meet a year ago, but I don't think he really remembers me. I like him a lot and he is a really great guy, I just hope that he doesn't expect anything from me. I definitely want to swap some spit if you know what I mean, but I don't want to go to far until I know I am really ready. SIGH! So I feel really bad for my friend. You see he told me a while ago that he felt extremely strongly for me and well I kind of lead him on thinking I liked him back like that. Well I told him a little later that I couldn't return his feelings because I didn't feel like that. Well now I know how he feels, you know when you want someone so badly, but you can't have them. SIGH! You see, I made up this guy. Well he is perfect to me, but you see my expectations for him are impossible.  So now I feel that whenever a guy wants to get closer, or I try to get closer to a guy I end up dropping a huge wall blocking them from me. SIGH! You see just over a year ago was when I broke up with this one boy that I was extremely serious about, well I decided I didn't want us to be broken up and he denied me back. I tried moving on, but I just couldn't, we got back together, but unofficially. He had a girlfriend at the time. that wasn't me.... After we 'split up' then we got into a lot of fights then this year, it started again, he kissed me and touched me and I liked it, but I felt neglected. He was putting me second and I began realizing that I should have been number one, to anyone, so slowly and surely I pulled myself away. Now I am suddenly wondering if that was the right thing to do because now I am left sitting here in a world where everyone has someone, but I have no one. SIGH! I hope that everything can work out between me and this one guy, so that I have someone. Life is just...sigh! I hope someone reads this somewhere so that I know someone cares.