Bluebird

Well it's been a long while since I wrote. I didn't win science fair, but I did get a 93 and I was pretty happy with that. The one guy that I liked that had the girlfriend and said he didn't like me like that, well I am over him, I really am, he is just my friend. The one that gave me a ride, well he likes a friend of mine and in the past i would have blown up and gotten pissed I am okay with it, they only thing blowing up would do would make myself miserable. My ex, well that is a completely different story. He is a good guy and has a good heart and he is back to the guy that I fell in love with. I don't understand what to do.
My uncle and Cousins came up for a weekend. I swear I have never been told I was wrong so many times in such a short amount of time. They would even tell me I was wrong about something I knew all about and they knew nothing about and sometimes they would tell me I was wrong rephrase what I said and say it. It was so exhausting.
Christmas, well it just never felt like Christmas. it makes me sad because I love Christmas. We went up to MD and I got to see a lot of my family. I even got surprised when my favorite cousin, Michael showed up. I got some great things too, my favorite, my ipod touch. I enjoyed myself but it just seemed like a random visit up to MD and I wanted a Christmas visit.

Let it Rain

So Today was the lovely Science Fair at school. Apparently my judge loved my bored and all the Freshman voted for it. I'm kind of impressed if that were true because I did all of that in one weekend. SHAMPOOCH! Haha, sorry that is an insider I have with one of the freshies. Part of me would be really excited if I got a chance to go to county or even state, but part of me would want to decline. I have never been a fan of science fair, in fact i despise it, and as nice as it would be to win, I don't want to because I want it to be over, if i didn't win, I would never have to do science fair again.
So there are some...complications in my life at the moment. There are two boys at school, that I like, quite a bit. Their best friends. One has a girlfriend now, and says he doesn't like me, but I think today, I got over him. I like him, still, but I think he would just be a good friend. But his friend is someone I care about a lot. Today he had a bad day and I felt like I was the only one who noticed. He also gave me a ride home and I enjoied the time spent with him. He is a good guy and I like him a lot, i kind of always have. But here is one of my main problems, My ex. We were togather, kind of in a way after we broke up, but it was never a thing because of his girlfriend. Now call me a slut if your want, i don't care, I loved--love him. Well we have been talking again recently and he has been saying what seems to be all the right things. I feel like I am falling for him, but I don't want to go back there because somethings with him aren't good memories. UGH being a girl sucks!
Oh my the freshies, well a first happened at my school, a fight. One freshie posted on Gmail that another freshies boyfriend wasn't cute. So the two of them started fighting and well apparently there was a fist fight. SOOO FUNNY! haha!

You got a fast car

Wow it has been quite some time since I have last written and a lot has happened, well not totally. I have gotten royally pissed off. Now ya'll know that I go to an early college and you would expect the people who go to a school like that to be a little more mature, and know right from wrong. Well apparently they don't. I am on the Yearbook and I was assigned the page called "You know you go to this school when..." well I had gotten permission from my teacher and my principle to hang posters up to get what the other students thought into the yearbook, but some kids decided to be stupid and put rude, crule, and racist comments. I had a teacher specifically bring me a poster that had these comments on it and tell me I better be cautious about these posters. Then at lunch I was just loosing my mind and went off and got a confession that he put one of those rude comments up. Later at my last period people were gathering around a poster and a teacher was fussing at them. I went to that teacher also my supervisor and just took them down, then from these little bitches in my class started screaming at me. All I could think was well maybe if some people wouldn't put rude things up it wouldn't be ruined for everyone, so not my fault. Now on the flip side of things on Friday my mom and I went to DMV because it was time that I applied for my permit. After a long wait I took the test and passed. I am now driving and have been given the option to drive all weekend and I have enjoyed every minute of it.

Half of My Heart

Wow it has been foreve since I have posted. It is almost Thanksgiving, and I haven't posted since the middle of October. Life has been bumpy. I have moved what seems like half way across the world. I haven't just a half hour south, but what a difference. We went on a school trip to NC State, it was cool, I'm acctually considering going because it has a beautiful campus. The new house is nice, now that we have removed all of the boxes and have even hung things up. School has been stressful. Typical I know. I have basically gotten over that one guy that I was drowning on and on about. We're just better off as friends well for now at least. I don't have any guys to report on for the moment, but soon, I feel it, soon I will. What else is there? I'm sick, have been for a while. It's a cold, going around school, but this might be serious because my throat is extreamly swolen and you can see it all the way down my neck. I went to the doctors and I am on antibiotics for the moment, so lets hope this just doesn't get worse. I just want to thank anyone who reads this (like anyone does) because this is my diary and you're just along for the ride, no matter how selfish it is, so thank you.

One and Only

I don't know how much longer I can go being mad at him. I see him in the halls at school constantly. I want to walk up to him and give him a hug, but I am mad at him. I hate feeling like this because I know that...well I don't know he his missing me off. In the words of Adele:
I don't know why I'm scared,
'Cause I've been here before,
Every feeling, Every word,
I've imagined it all,
You'll never know,
If you never try,
To forget your past,
And simply be mine.
I love her Lyrics. They help in any situation like:
But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!
Incredible. Him. Not.

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

While everyone who reads this probably hates me, and while you will probably laugh and say "Look who is talking now." I don't care. This guy, I like him, a lot. Or I did. To night about one hour ago I logged onto my facebook and what do I see that he is in a relationship with another girl. Now wait this isn't even the best part, all of you haters will love this. I told him I liked him, and he tolf me he liked me too, but that he wasn't over his ex yet and he didn't believe it was fair to me, to be with me, when he wasn't over her. Great guy, huh? Well here I am after I get this message from him falling farther and farther down this dark well. He told me that maybe we could go to my schools fall dance and that maybe after the dance he would tell me if he was ready for a relationship. Win win, huh? WRONG! He called me on a friday and asked me to go on a group date with him and a mutual friend of ours that needed to go out with this guy but was only able to go on a group date, well through the whole movie me and this guy didn't stop talking and it lead to me laying my head on his shoulder and, eventially us holding hands while I am trying to avoid him poking me in the stomach. I thought wow, this is great you know here he is, he is being super flirty and everything is going great, hey, maybe he will decide before the dance. Well I was right, he did decide and before the dance. He told me that he "...didn't feel a spark..." I felt nothing but sparks all night, but apparentally I was way wrong. I decided to take this mature, knowing that we could stay friends, and maybe eventually more than friends. Well he contunually asked me "What's wrong?" "Are you okay?" Finally I couldn't take saying no any longer and told him, that I really liked, him that I thought there was nothing but "sparks" between us. That this always happened to me, I feel for a guy and he ends up not wanting a girlfriend. He apologized profusly and we continued on like friends. One night after that he texted me well past midnight on a weekday-night, well I was asleep, so when I woke up I was freaking out because he never texted me like this. He had told me that he couldn't sleep he had had a nightmare about his ex. Well being the good friend I am, I comforted him, telling him "you need to get over her." "You need to do better for yourself." "You're a great guy and you diserve someone way better than waking up in the middle of the night unable to sleep because you're dreaming about her." Well later on, before I went to sleep I had texted him and told him that if he was having problems at night that he could call me, and I would help him as soon as I could. Well that night at exactly 1:50am he called me. I woke up at the sound of my phone vibrating off the hook but didn't get to my phone on time so I texted him. I stayed up for a little over a half hour trying to calm him down, and eventually it worked and we both went back to sleep. I thought things between us were better improving and that maybe we would still hook up. Everyone started putting voices in my head that he liked this other girl and that they were going to get together, but I ignored the rumors "knowing" he wasn't over his ex. Everything between the two of us continued improving up until yesterday. Tonight right after coming into my room to settle down I get onto my laptop to check facebook and everything before going to sleep and what is the top thing on my newsfeed? That he is in a relationship with this girl that rumors were speculating about. I lost it. I don't know what I did wrong or what I always do wrong. I wish that for once I would pick a guy that wouldn't leave me in the dumps. I want a guy that likes be back and wants to be with me. But this is my life it is not a TV show or a movie so nothing ever goes good, everything goes bad, especially for me. People say that they have the worst life ever and while to you that it the truth, someone everywhere always has it worse than you, just alike someone always has it better than you. But one thing is that you have to remember to someone your the person that has it worse and to another you have it better. I know in one of my posts once I put "Que Sara, Sara." What ever will be will be. Well I am no longer living like any of these things I just put, well at least for tonight. I will post this blog, close my computer and curl up in a ball bawling my eyes out. And why you ask? Well because I hurt. My heart got broken because I put it in the wrong place, and I now know that he wasn't worth it, though for a while, I will still believe that he always was.

Just a kiss

I don't know why I feel the need to make all my blog titles song names that mean something. I guess it is because I always resort to music to make me feel better when I am feeling down or to keep my hopes up when they start crumbling. So I wrote this poem last night thinking about that guy that I like here it is:

Since that one day we traded numbers

I wanted to be with you

But no matter what I say

No matter what I do

I can never tell you

I love you

You love her

It’s plain to see

I wish, oh I wish

That you would love me

I text you all the time

I wish you would reply

Please, oh please

Don’t leave my side

I saw a post today

That made me think real hard

I want to help you always

But it seems I can no more

I love you

Oh I love you

Don’t ever leave my side

I want you to be mine

Always only mine

Not that good is it? No I didn't think so either. But it is the truth and it is how I feel. Wow don't I feel like a complete loser always posting about him, but I just cannot help him. I am smitten with him, and just in case you people reading do not know what that means, it means I REALLY REALLY REALLY like him. He is a great guy, and I know he trusts me, and that I think is part of the reason I am so utterly terrified. I don't want him to see me as someone who is going to not want to be with me because I am more like his friend and he doesn't want to lose our friendship. I like him and I want to be with him.

So on to the latest saga of drama. Yesterday SHE broke down crying over something that was completely stupid, why would you do that, and now someone who she thinks is her friend is now sick of her and doesn't want to be her friend anymore. If you're reading this you might know who you are. You're losing all of your friends, and it's your own fault. You caused this, over what? You expect to be the center of everyones world and when your not, you get mad and then those people learn that you're not a good person to be friends with. I'm not writing this to make you feel bad, I am writing this because even though we're not friends any longer, i am afraid that you're going to loose all of your friends and wake up one day, completely alone than you're going to be miserable.

Best Thing I Never Had

Well there is this guy, and I will keep is name a secret because I don't think that it would be right posting his name all over the Internet like some people do because I sure as hell wouldn't like that. Okay, well this guy, he is great just amazing. His is cute and a hopeless romantic just like me. He believes all the thing that I do, about just sitting and talking for a date, making hand made gifts for one another, and different things like that. Well we had expressed to one another that we liked one another, but one key factor in all of this is that he is not over his last girl friend. He had asked me to go to the school dance with him, because I had told him that he shouldn't be hung up on this one girl for forever, and he agreed so that is when he asked me. Well we have been nothing but flirts towards each other and he asked me if I would go to the movies as his date in a group date, and I agreed. Well I went and I thought everything took a huge step, we held hands, I layed on his shoulder and everything was perfect. He even went so far as to walk me out to the car and gave me a huge hug. Well I got home and texted him and we were the same old us for about an hour and then he told be that he didn't want to go any further for the moment and that he didn't want to hurt me. Well i tried to take that knowing that it did hurt me but that there was nothing I could do to change it because sitting there and begging for him wasn't going to help. Then we were just talking like friends and he asked me id I was okay, and I told him yes and he didn't believe me and so I told him that it did hurt me that he didn't want to be anything more with me, because I liked him and I knew that he was a lot better than the guys I had been with that had A)Abused me B)Wasn't invested in the relationship at all C)Cheated on me and D)Broke up with me because his ex that didn't like him told him a rumor. I knew that this guy wasn't like this, and yes I did tell him that. Needless to say I was up talking to him ALL night and yes, I had to get up at seven o'clock in the morning so that I could go to drivers ed. I just wish that for once I could pick a genuinely goof guy who cares and wants to be with me that is not gay, not ready for a relationship, or a total asshole. Secretly I will be hoping that one day I will be with him.
Well here we go, here come the drama. This one girl who previously was one of my really good friends is now a complete and total bitch who doesn't know how to approch someone when she has a problem with them and you know, I know you occasionally read my blog so great maybe you will know that I would like to talk to you and not be told from other people that you want to know what my problem is, okay. Oh and my the way, I read your blog I know you are talking about me, and how fucking dare you to put my fucking name up there. You are not queen you are not all that and you never will be. That guy that you are in love with, you will be miserable with him if you go back to him and I know this because you have already told me you never want to be with him again and guess what YOU WILL BREAK UP AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. There is a reason that you can't be in a decent relationship because you are a whore and a bitch so best of luck to you.

Driving Away

I'm going completely nuts, driving myself crazy. Not only is it that someone I thought was my friend is now really mad at me, and is telling people not to talk to me, and I don't even know what the hell I did. Another one of my friends is mad because I made a low, blow but here is the difference between me and everyone else in this God Damned world, I ADMIT WHEN I DO SOMETHING WRONG does NO ONE understand that? I swear. Then this guy that I liked before I had texted him and then made a status on facebook about SOMEONE ELSE and he got all pissy about me, then I was doing random posts on facebook on my friends walls and I had put something on his wall saying "Hey there stranger" and his girlfriend hand the audacity to post on my post telling me to leave him alone, yes, I did like him, but I know that he has a girlfriend, and I don't want someone who is in a relationship that would sneak around with me, I want someone to pull me with him and tell all his friends HELL YEAH I AM WITH HER I don't want to be kept in the dark. On top of all that bullshit drama, I have to deal with packing and getting ready for a new house. I wanted to move before, now packing I don't want to, I don't wanna worry about all of this shit! AHHHH! This makes me really mad, why the fuck am I being nailed with all of this.

Just another day in paradise!

Getting ready for school on a rainy day. Drivers Ed is going good. Did I tell ya'll that I'm taking it? Yes? No? Oh, well whatever, I am, haha! I actually got in contact with my Uncle, a man that I had horrible feelings towards. Maybe this will change the family dynamics. I know that there were a lot of hurt feelings, but they can be fixed, and people who don't fix them will live a miserable life, well whatever the case is, I want it known that I am trying, I'm not going to sit around and let this hatred consume me, I am going to try to change. Change this late in the year? Yes, change. It is never too late to change something, you can always fix the way you feel or how you look at it, and I am choosing right now. Anyone who reads this (if anyone even does) this is my vow to you, I will change a situation if it is consuming a life that is not a good one to live.
Sigh, new beginnings.

Just another over due post

So I guess it has been to long since I have last posted and I am sorry, even if anyone reads this, it had been a long month. School is busy, lots of work, I could probably be doing a few things rather than writting this blog right now, but I felt the need to blog so I am. I have been in school for a month and what a month I am passing all of my classes and with farily good grades too. I am having some problems with people. On person I think thinks we are friends, but I'm not their friend because of problems that are to dramatic to post about. I have this guy that I have amazing feelings (I don't even know why) for him and he goes out with this braty bitchy girl that I cannot stand, and he thinks that I should bow down to him and kiss her feat and love her because they are together. I cannot stand some people and just want them to go away. I am sick of my selfesteam being put down and never thinking that I am good enough. Not like any one reads this, but if someone does, thank you for caring enough to keep reading, and if your just in it to hear another story to make your life feel better.

School.

Well, tomorrow I start school. In twelve hours I will be getting myself ready to go to school. I am so happy to start school tomorrow. Then again, I am not. I want to see my friends, and indulge in the jokes that we created from last year. I want to start doing things, and not be so bored. I want to be happy with having something to do. However, I am scared. I know that this year is going to fly by. It is my last official year of high school. In one year I start college. That is scary. I will only be sixteen and I will be at college. SCARY! Sigh, well here we go, I will try to post tomorrow, just to tell you how it went! Wish me luck.

Pulling my hair out

So today is day two of my mom quiting smoking. She is getting on my nerves. I wish that she wasn't like this. I understand that she is breaking an addiction, but she is still irritating me. She is going off about a number of things that aren't even worth going off on. I am just ready to move on from this, I can't wait till I start school and I can have the excuse of "I have homework, mom." I don't like seeing her like this, dealing with this withdraw, it hurts me seeing her hurt like this.
Not only am i dealing with her, I am dealing with the fact that I don't feel to good right now. My stomach hurts and so does my head. I wanna curl into a ball and sleep or cry.
Day two of mom quiting smoking.
Three days till school.
HURRY UP!

Thinking....

So my friends always ask me "What's up?" just like everyone does when you're having a casual conversation, I always say "Thinking." So I thought that this blog can be all about what I am thinking about right now, as I am typing this.
The first thing on my mind is this guy Timothy. He seems like a really great guy, someone that I would want to be with. Well I have one problem, I don't have any clue how I should tell him that I like him, because well you see, every time I tell a guy that I like him it always seems to blow up. Like he says, "I don't want a relationship." "I don't like you like that." "How can you like me when you barely know me." that type of thing and I really want to tell this guy that I like him, but I am terrified to tell him straight forward that I like him, because I don't want it blowing up in my face. Ugh! Why do I always have to be the one that falls for the guys, why can't they fall for me first? I don't know why I am worried about this now, I mean I am only fifteen, I have lots of time before me, but I just, i don't know, I suddenly felt the urge to tell him that I feel this way towards him, I hope that everything works out and that when I do tell him, that he feels the same way and that I don't have to have my heart broken again. (Wow if there ever were a run on sentence.)
The second thing on my mind is my brother, because, I love him, I really do, and I know that he is 21 and can make is own decisions, I mean he is an adult, but I am worrying so much about him. We went through so much when he first started drinking, then he got sober, and I was so emencly proud of him, I really was, I idolized my brother because he was so strong and was able to get out of his funk, I wished that I could do the same when I got older and I go through such a rough time.
The third thing is this guy Nick. He is a great guy and had at one point fallen head over heels for me. I think he was the only one who has ever really done that, but I didn't feel the same way for him, like the other guys. I was terribly sorry for hurting him like I had been hurt. Now he has the audacity to say that I am not sorry for anything. He is someone I trust and that I feel comfortable going to and talking to about everything I feel. but now I am questioning whether that is the right thing to do with him. I hate this feeling shit. I want it gone, now.

I don't even know what to title this.

I think I am lost. Yes, lost that is the right word. If this was a movie it would start with me sitting here, typing this message. And who knows, maybe this is a movie. Maybe we're all just a movie. I don't know. I don't know what I am doing any more. I am just trying to live the best life that I can. It scares me. Living like this. Being a teenager. I don't know what I am feeling half the time. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm confused. Hell, I might be bi-polar. I was in Maryland two weeks ago, and half of the time I enjoied it, the other half hated it. I think that is why I am lost. Because of Maryland. I lived there most of my life, well all of my life, I was twelve when I moved out of the only home I knew. Then I went and I saw it, all of it. I looked into my old childhood home. It was like a movie, old family movies. I saw everything as it happened when I looked in. Me building a tent. Me playing on the floor watching my favorite shows. Running around saying hello to all my family during a party. I'm scared. Maybe this wouldn't be the beginning, maybe this would be the end, when I realize everything that happens. I don't know, who I will marry. What kind of parent I will be. I am scared to find out, and even scared to know if it'll even happen. But I cannot know, not now. I hope I will though, soon, because it is too difficult to even know if I'm okay.

I don't want you

So my brother started drinking again, and he started acting the same way he was when he was drinking when we moved. Is it bad that I don't want my brother? Technically he is not my brother, he is someone else.

Maryland

So I have been in Maryland for a day and a half, it was fun to start. I'm at my aunt and uncle's house spending time with them. Yesterday I went and I got a pedicure with my aunt and my bestfriend. I have Neon Orange paint with white crackle paint over top of  it. It looks really pretty, then we came back and were planing to go ride the jetski's but my brother decided that we were going to go on a ride, so we did, for about an hour. It was to late to go out on the water before curfew so we couldn't. Then we went to dinner at Edgewater resurant, wow the food was amazing! But then I saw my brother, and alchohalic, drinking beer. I just cannot believe that he is drinking again. It was horrible when he was before, but now, I'm just absolutly beside myself. Well I have to go jump into the shower, until later when I can go into depth.

Busy Busy Week

So today is about the only chill day I have for a while. Tomorrow my bestfriend is coming over, then a little after that my Grandfather is coming back into town with my two cousins, my best friend and I are going over to his house to spend time with them and we will eat there. The next two days the two of us will be with the three of them so that we can help my grandfather take care of the two younguns. On friday we are taking off to Maryland for over a week so we can see people and be in town for when my big brother turns 21. I hope I will have time to post, but if not I will definatly post when i get back, I promise!

I'm not exactly sure.

I'm not sure what is going on. The last time I posted I was furious about something that wasn't meant to be. I haven't talked to that guy since he told me his parents disapproved, so I'm just letting that go. One think I think I may know, is that there is a reason that this one guy keeps coming into my mind and keeps replying when I text him. I am not going to try to hard, because I don't want to lose what I do have with him. I'm just going to let what ever happens, happen. Que Sara Sara, whatever will be will be. That is my new modo. I am not going to let things get to me. Everything happens for a reason, and no matter what, I cannot change a thing. I can't go into the past, and I can't see into the future, I just have to take everything as it comes. QUE SARA SARA!

Age!

Why does age have to be such a big issue. Your parents have never met me, and they already disapprove of me? It's not even like our ages are that far. I'm turning 15 tomorrow and you will be 17 in September. Just under two years. I have dated guys older then you! What do they think is going to happen, what if we don't even like each other? Well we will never know now because your God Damned parents won't even let us go on a date! My mom, the queen of anti age difference is even letting us go on a date. Why are they so concerned about this. Even if something were to happen, you would be the one that would be allowed to walk away from it all, not me. If anything, I could help you, a lot. Screw parents! SIGH! Okay, can some guys get a hint. I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE! WE WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING MORE THEN FRIENDS, I DON'T CARE IF YOU GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS, JUST STOP BUGGING ME. WHAT HAPPENES BETWEEN ME AND HIM IS NONE OF YOU GOD DAMNED BUSINESS. EITHER STOP BOTHERING ME OR GET MY FUCKING POINT I SWEAR. I WILL BLOCK YOU AND IF YOU DON'T STOP I WILL CALL THE COPS AND FILE A HARRASMENT CHARGE! SIGH!
I am so FUCKING pissed!

Okay, Okay, Okay:)

Dear you know who you are:),
I like you a lot, like you read this. You are special to me. I want to talk to you more. I want you to come over and hang out with you. I want to take things slow and just share happiness with you. I feel like a little kid harrasing you, but I cannot help it. I like talking to you. You make me smile. You give me rumbles in my tummy. My heart skips a beat when I see your name appear on my caller ID. I can't help the way I feel, and I feel like this toward you. God, text me! I want to talk to you SO BAD!

It's been a little while

So it's been almost two weeka since the last time I posted, like anyone cared. Remember how I told you I had this friend coming over that I really liked? Well he didn't end up coming over because he got into trouble. He drove 120 MPH down a highway and somehow is dad found out so he lost his driving privlages for two weeks. So I think we made plans for this weekend, but I'm not sure.... This past week I was in Orlando, Flordia, with my Godfather and his two Daughters. We had a blast we hit up, Blizzard Beach in Disney, Fort De Sodo on the Golf Coast, Spending time with some Great grandparents that are really cool, and a beautiful wedding. A few times I got irritated, but most of the time I was having an amazing time. I wish that maybe that boy will text me and that we will make the plans official:)

A busy week ahead!

So today is Wednesday and I have some great plans for a little while. I am hanging out with a friend;) this weekend and I am super excited for it. He is really cool and, really sweet and, ahhh;) I like him a lot On Sunday is Father Day UGH! and my mom is making dinner for my grandfather. Then on Monday I am going to South Carolina for a night so that my Uncle can pick me up so me, him, and his two girls can go to Flordia and have a blast. We're going  to a Disney Water park, Universal Studio's, Golf Coast, and a few other things then we're hitting up a wedding and heading home. I'm excited for this coming week it's going to be a ton of fun;)

A boy;)

Okay, so this is a post that wont be filled with SIGH's! This is a happy post. Would you like to know why? Well even if you answered no, I'm going to tell you. There is a boy;) that I am hanging out with this coming friday, and I have to say he is just amazing. Not only is he easy on the eyes, really easy, he has an actual soul. He has told me that he doesn't want to pressure me. Yes, he is a bit older then me, and I'm fine with that because you find guys like this one. I hope that I'm not jinksing this but I had to tell all of you non-readers. I am giggling, blushing, and smiling. Honestly, I haven't been this happy in a long while. I hope that everything will go good with this;)

It's been a while!

So it's been a while since I last wrote. I ended up getting an 85 as the grade on my Chemistry Final after test corrections. I got a 92 on my Algebra I exam and a 93 on my Algebra II exam. I got a 90 on my Civics and Economics exam. Last I got an 85 on my English I exam. Yay me. So glad that's over with! SIGH! So the last day of school came, and went. I cried pretty hard haha. I'm going to miss my friends all summer, and hope that somehow I will see them all again during the summer.SIGH! So the first week of summer has been fairly good. I cleaned and I dyed my hair. My best friend came over, and I have been having a lot of fun with her. My grandfathers birthday was today and we took him out to eat for it SIGH!. So I think I have a date for this Friday. I really like this guy. We meet a year ago, but I don't think he really remembers me. I like him a lot and he is a really great guy, I just hope that he doesn't expect anything from me. I definitely want to swap some spit if you know what I mean, but I don't want to go to far until I know I am really ready. SIGH! So I feel really bad for my friend. You see he told me a while ago that he felt extremely strongly for me and well I kind of lead him on thinking I liked him back like that. Well I told him a little later that I couldn't return his feelings because I didn't feel like that. Well now I know how he feels, you know when you want someone so badly, but you can't have them. SIGH! You see, I made up this guy. Well he is perfect to me, but you see my expectations for him are impossible.  So now I feel that whenever a guy wants to get closer, or I try to get closer to a guy I end up dropping a huge wall blocking them from me. SIGH! You see just over a year ago was when I broke up with this one boy that I was extremely serious about, well I decided I didn't want us to be broken up and he denied me back. I tried moving on, but I just couldn't, we got back together, but unofficially. He had a girlfriend at the time. that wasn't me.... After we 'split up' then we got into a lot of fights then this year, it started again, he kissed me and touched me and I liked it, but I felt neglected. He was putting me second and I began realizing that I should have been number one, to anyone, so slowly and surely I pulled myself away. Now I am suddenly wondering if that was the right thing to do because now I am left sitting here in a world where everyone has someone, but I have no one. SIGH! I hope that everything can work out between me and this one guy, so that I have someone. Life is just...sigh! I hope someone reads this somewhere so that I know someone cares.

Long Couple Weeks Coming.

So today is May 25th. I had my Chemistry Final yesterday and guess what?! I failed. Just like everyone else. I don't think the teacher wrote it vary well, but thank God, he is allowing us to do test corrections, which gives us half the points we lost back. Friday is my Algebra I EOC, then I have a three day weekend (whooohooo), then I have to go back to school for my last week and i have nothing but EOC's. I have my Algebra II on Tuesday, Civics and Economics on Wednesday, and English on Thursday, finally Friday, is my last day of school and no more EOC's. Let me tell you I have been so stressed this year and I am happy it's over. Last night we had an awards ceremony. It was the funniest thing. One of the manliest teachers at my school started crying when he gave out his award, and the Latin teacher took 20 minutes to give out three awards. You know how high school yearbooks are huge like
|                                         | -that wide well my high school yearbook is
|        | -that wide. It's the funniest thing ever. I love my school and the people in there. IBEC is my home, and everyone there is my family.

I'm just done.

Okay, look I get it, I really do. You're stuck between a rock and a hard place right now, but just remember that when you were at your absolute lowest, lower then low, we were the only ones you had. I think it is rude and abnoctious that you're just keeping us out of your life. I guess all the damn progress we've had over the last two years are thrown out the window now. I miss you, but I guess it's not mutual. If you're not going to act like a big brother then I'm done acting like a little sister.

Rough Life.

Life isn't being the nicest right now to anyone in my family. I'm sick, with mono and a bladder infection. Been sick since Saturday morning. My back hurts horribly. If I don't take my meds then my throat will swell up. My brother had some difficulties and had a really rough weekend. I'm not going to go into much detail because of multiple reasons. SIGH!!!! Life id just being rough on me and I don't know how much I can take. UGH!!! SIGH!!!

Humph!

Well I'm currently sitting in my computer class and thinking I only have three days untill my first EOC. I'm nervous and excited all at once. I want it to just be over with now, but I want to hold onto this feeling for a while. I guess I just have mixed emotions about it. SIGH! Yesterday was Mothers day and what a blast I had with my mom. We washed the car then relaxed around the house. We decided to go to her favorite restarant, Michaels at Carolina Beach, then we walked out on the beach for a half hour and got home just in time for one of our favorite shows. She almost let me drive yesterday, but no. SIGH! I have discovered how rude some "friends" can be and I am wondering if they are really truely my friends or not. I wish that I could have more Bekah's in my life. Oh by the way, she is my all time best friend. We have been friends for two and a half years and have never fought. SIGH! I'm getting sick of drama. SIGH!!!!!!

May 6th, 2011

Well today is my daddy's birthday. He has been dead now for five years and he would be 45 today. I miss him a lot and today is just another day to think about him. SIGH! I had a day of no fighting to day. Me and my friend have been fighting everyday for two weeks now, and it's started to bother me a lot! SIGH! In my last post you read about a guy that I was with, but who had a GF. Well I'm starting to realize that I should be number one in his life and not number two. So I'm going to start making a change in my life, even though I am in love with him! SIGH! There is about two guys right now that I want to be with but one of them I don't think want's to be with me, and the other one and I have been talking for over a year and it hasn't worked yet so...yeah! SIGH! Life just sometimes sucks.

sigh

Well, welcome to ohmysigh blog. Blogs are usually about specific stuff but this is about the sigh things in my life. Ready? Well, there is this boy, I like him, a lot. He is super amazing, and I suppose we're kind of together, not really, he has a GF. SIGH! My bestfriend has...sorry had a boyfriend, well she flirts with a lot of people, and now they broke up. Now she's going to flirt with everyone, and I can't even say, "What about ___." I have to deal when it's bad enough that I have no one. SIGH! Everyone seems to be in a relationship and loves it, but me, or the want to be single, unlike me. OHMYSIGH!