I don't even know what to title this.

I think I am lost. Yes, lost that is the right word. If this was a movie it would start with me sitting here, typing this message. And who knows, maybe this is a movie. Maybe we're all just a movie. I don't know. I don't know what I am doing any more. I am just trying to live the best life that I can. It scares me. Living like this. Being a teenager. I don't know what I am feeling half the time. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm confused. Hell, I might be bi-polar. I was in Maryland two weeks ago, and half of the time I enjoied it, the other half hated it. I think that is why I am lost. Because of Maryland. I lived there most of my life, well all of my life, I was twelve when I moved out of the only home I knew. Then I went and I saw it, all of it. I looked into my old childhood home. It was like a movie, old family movies. I saw everything as it happened when I looked in. Me building a tent. Me playing on the floor watching my favorite shows. Running around saying hello to all my family during a party. I'm scared. Maybe this wouldn't be the beginning, maybe this would be the end, when I realize everything that happens. I don't know, who I will marry. What kind of parent I will be. I am scared to find out, and even scared to know if it'll even happen. But I cannot know, not now. I hope I will though, soon, because it is too difficult to even know if I'm okay.

I don't want you

So my brother started drinking again, and he started acting the same way he was when he was drinking when we moved. Is it bad that I don't want my brother? Technically he is not my brother, he is someone else.

Maryland

So I have been in Maryland for a day and a half, it was fun to start. I'm at my aunt and uncle's house spending time with them. Yesterday I went and I got a pedicure with my aunt and my bestfriend. I have Neon Orange paint with white crackle paint over top of  it. It looks really pretty, then we came back and were planing to go ride the jetski's but my brother decided that we were going to go on a ride, so we did, for about an hour. It was to late to go out on the water before curfew so we couldn't. Then we went to dinner at Edgewater resurant, wow the food was amazing! But then I saw my brother, and alchohalic, drinking beer. I just cannot believe that he is drinking again. It was horrible when he was before, but now, I'm just absolutly beside myself. Well I have to go jump into the shower, until later when I can go into depth.

Busy Busy Week

So today is about the only chill day I have for a while. Tomorrow my bestfriend is coming over, then a little after that my Grandfather is coming back into town with my two cousins, my best friend and I are going over to his house to spend time with them and we will eat there. The next two days the two of us will be with the three of them so that we can help my grandfather take care of the two younguns. On friday we are taking off to Maryland for over a week so we can see people and be in town for when my big brother turns 21. I hope I will have time to post, but if not I will definatly post when i get back, I promise!

I'm not exactly sure.

I'm not sure what is going on. The last time I posted I was furious about something that wasn't meant to be. I haven't talked to that guy since he told me his parents disapproved, so I'm just letting that go. One think I think I may know, is that there is a reason that this one guy keeps coming into my mind and keeps replying when I text him. I am not going to try to hard, because I don't want to lose what I do have with him. I'm just going to let what ever happens, happen. Que Sara Sara, whatever will be will be. That is my new modo. I am not going to let things get to me. Everything happens for a reason, and no matter what, I cannot change a thing. I can't go into the past, and I can't see into the future, I just have to take everything as it comes. QUE SARA SARA!

Age!

Why does age have to be such a big issue. Your parents have never met me, and they already disapprove of me? It's not even like our ages are that far. I'm turning 15 tomorrow and you will be 17 in September. Just under two years. I have dated guys older then you! What do they think is going to happen, what if we don't even like each other? Well we will never know now because your God Damned parents won't even let us go on a date! My mom, the queen of anti age difference is even letting us go on a date. Why are they so concerned about this. Even if something were to happen, you would be the one that would be allowed to walk away from it all, not me. If anything, I could help you, a lot. Screw parents! SIGH! Okay, can some guys get a hint. I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE! WE WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING MORE THEN FRIENDS, I DON'T CARE IF YOU GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS, JUST STOP BUGGING ME. WHAT HAPPENES BETWEEN ME AND HIM IS NONE OF YOU GOD DAMNED BUSINESS. EITHER STOP BOTHERING ME OR GET MY FUCKING POINT I SWEAR. I WILL BLOCK YOU AND IF YOU DON'T STOP I WILL CALL THE COPS AND FILE A HARRASMENT CHARGE! SIGH!
I am so FUCKING pissed!

Okay, Okay, Okay:)

Dear you know who you are:),
I like you a lot, like you read this. You are special to me. I want to talk to you more. I want you to come over and hang out with you. I want to take things slow and just share happiness with you. I feel like a little kid harrasing you, but I cannot help it. I like talking to you. You make me smile. You give me rumbles in my tummy. My heart skips a beat when I see your name appear on my caller ID. I can't help the way I feel, and I feel like this toward you. God, text me! I want to talk to you SO BAD!