I don't even know what to title this.

I think I am lost. Yes, lost that is the right word. If this was a movie it would start with me sitting here, typing this message. And who knows, maybe this is a movie. Maybe we're all just a movie. I don't know. I don't know what I am doing any more. I am just trying to live the best life that I can. It scares me. Living like this. Being a teenager. I don't know what I am feeling half the time. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm confused. Hell, I might be bi-polar. I was in Maryland two weeks ago, and half of the time I enjoied it, the other half hated it. I think that is why I am lost. Because of Maryland. I lived there most of my life, well all of my life, I was twelve when I moved out of the only home I knew. Then I went and I saw it, all of it. I looked into my old childhood home. It was like a movie, old family movies. I saw everything as it happened when I looked in. Me building a tent. Me playing on the floor watching my favorite shows. Running around saying hello to all my family during a party. I'm scared. Maybe this wouldn't be the beginning, maybe this would be the end, when I realize everything that happens. I don't know, who I will marry. What kind of parent I will be. I am scared to find out, and even scared to know if it'll even happen. But I cannot know, not now. I hope I will though, soon, because it is too difficult to even know if I'm okay.