Leave the Peices When You Go

Heart break. It is something we are all forced to deal with. Some how I feel like I deal with it way more than I should. I saw a guy I am erratically in love with today. Somehow, I just can't seem to get over him, though I should. We cheated on each other, so there are trust issues between us, but today he came to my school, to see me. I hugged him as tight as I possibly could, and we even kissed. When I got onto my bus I was so happy, so estatic that I couldn't contain myself, Now thinking about it, I doubt we will ever be together, because of those reasons. Than this guy, I never know how I feel about him, ever. One minute I am falling head over heels the next I am so mad at him. He tells me that there is noone who likes him and that he is useless. All I can say is "WHAT ABOUT ME! I LIKE YOU, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU! I THINK YOU ARE SOMETHING!" Then he tells me he likes my friends. i get so eratically pissed.off at him. I am terrified of telling him because I don't want lose him, but what else is a girl to do. I'm so fucked and i am just being lead around, my heart shattered in peices and being scrambled everywhere.

Teenage Dream

I am done, I mean I know I am a pretty privalaged child, but I am sick of this. We were going out and stupid me was trying to be a fucking ninja and my new fucking iTouch goes flying out of my purse onto the concrete and the glass in front of the screen is now cracked and I have to figure something out because I refuse to keep a brand new iTouch that is all fucking cracked. Then we head down to a silver place because my mom wanted to sell her silver to get a little extra cash. We were expecting anywhere from 500 to 50000 dollars. Nope. We might be lucky to get 200 dollars. Now we can't pay our fucking car payment and the odds of going to Disney for my sixteenth birthday is pretty much screwed. Way to get my hopes up. I just want it to work out, I want to get at least one thing.

Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have

Things are going pretty great right now. I am on top of all of my school work. I have been allowed to drive every day of every weekend and everymorning to school. My mom and I have been spending all weekend looking at things for Disney, we are planning to go for my sixteenth birthday and we are taking my best friend Bekah as a Disney virgin. I am so excited and cannot wait. We will probably be staying at a value resort with is one of the lowest ones you can stay at but the magic of even on of those is incredible. I am just so estatic to go. I haven't been in a few years and it's well over due. The only sad thing about it is that my brother probably wont be coming and usually on the last night at Magic Kingdom he acts so goofy and simple it is so funny, he walks up to random people and say random things, he acts like a statue, and it's just so much fun. I am enjoying  enjoying everything right now. I like how my life is for the moment, I think the only thing missing is a nice social life and a good guy or a few good guys that I am into and who is into me. Well in all technicalities my first week of school of the year is over and I only have twenty more to go, then I am done with high school and ready for college. I will have so much more freedom at college then i do now and I am just so ready and so excited.

Bluebird

Well it's been a long while since I wrote. I didn't win science fair, but I did get a 93 and I was pretty happy with that. The one guy that I liked that had the girlfriend and said he didn't like me like that, well I am over him, I really am, he is just my friend. The one that gave me a ride, well he likes a friend of mine and in the past i would have blown up and gotten pissed I am okay with it, they only thing blowing up would do would make myself miserable. My ex, well that is a completely different story. He is a good guy and has a good heart and he is back to the guy that I fell in love with. I don't understand what to do.
My uncle and Cousins came up for a weekend. I swear I have never been told I was wrong so many times in such a short amount of time. They would even tell me I was wrong about something I knew all about and they knew nothing about and sometimes they would tell me I was wrong rephrase what I said and say it. It was so exhausting.
Christmas, well it just never felt like Christmas. it makes me sad because I love Christmas. We went up to MD and I got to see a lot of my family. I even got surprised when my favorite cousin, Michael showed up. I got some great things too, my favorite, my ipod touch. I enjoyed myself but it just seemed like a random visit up to MD and I wanted a Christmas visit.

Let it Rain

So Today was the lovely Science Fair at school. Apparently my judge loved my bored and all the Freshman voted for it. I'm kind of impressed if that were true because I did all of that in one weekend. SHAMPOOCH! Haha, sorry that is an insider I have with one of the freshies. Part of me would be really excited if I got a chance to go to county or even state, but part of me would want to decline. I have never been a fan of science fair, in fact i despise it, and as nice as it would be to win, I don't want to because I want it to be over, if i didn't win, I would never have to do science fair again.
So there are some...complications in my life at the moment. There are two boys at school, that I like, quite a bit. Their best friends. One has a girlfriend now, and says he doesn't like me, but I think today, I got over him. I like him, still, but I think he would just be a good friend. But his friend is someone I care about a lot. Today he had a bad day and I felt like I was the only one who noticed. He also gave me a ride home and I enjoied the time spent with him. He is a good guy and I like him a lot, i kind of always have. But here is one of my main problems, My ex. We were togather, kind of in a way after we broke up, but it was never a thing because of his girlfriend. Now call me a slut if your want, i don't care, I loved--love him. Well we have been talking again recently and he has been saying what seems to be all the right things. I feel like I am falling for him, but I don't want to go back there because somethings with him aren't good memories. UGH being a girl sucks!
Oh my the freshies, well a first happened at my school, a fight. One freshie posted on Gmail that another freshies boyfriend wasn't cute. So the two of them started fighting and well apparently there was a fist fight. SOOO FUNNY! haha!

You got a fast car

Wow it has been quite some time since I have last written and a lot has happened, well not totally. I have gotten royally pissed off. Now ya'll know that I go to an early college and you would expect the people who go to a school like that to be a little more mature, and know right from wrong. Well apparently they don't. I am on the Yearbook and I was assigned the page called "You know you go to this school when..." well I had gotten permission from my teacher and my principle to hang posters up to get what the other students thought into the yearbook, but some kids decided to be stupid and put rude, crule, and racist comments. I had a teacher specifically bring me a poster that had these comments on it and tell me I better be cautious about these posters. Then at lunch I was just loosing my mind and went off and got a confession that he put one of those rude comments up. Later at my last period people were gathering around a poster and a teacher was fussing at them. I went to that teacher also my supervisor and just took them down, then from these little bitches in my class started screaming at me. All I could think was well maybe if some people wouldn't put rude things up it wouldn't be ruined for everyone, so not my fault. Now on the flip side of things on Friday my mom and I went to DMV because it was time that I applied for my permit. After a long wait I took the test and passed. I am now driving and have been given the option to drive all weekend and I have enjoyed every minute of it.

Half of My Heart

Wow it has been foreve since I have posted. It is almost Thanksgiving, and I haven't posted since the middle of October. Life has been bumpy. I have moved what seems like half way across the world. I haven't just a half hour south, but what a difference. We went on a school trip to NC State, it was cool, I'm acctually considering going because it has a beautiful campus. The new house is nice, now that we have removed all of the boxes and have even hung things up. School has been stressful. Typical I know. I have basically gotten over that one guy that I was drowning on and on about. We're just better off as friends well for now at least. I don't have any guys to report on for the moment, but soon, I feel it, soon I will. What else is there? I'm sick, have been for a while. It's a cold, going around school, but this might be serious because my throat is extreamly swolen and you can see it all the way down my neck. I went to the doctors and I am on antibiotics for the moment, so lets hope this just doesn't get worse. I just want to thank anyone who reads this (like anyone does) because this is my diary and you're just along for the ride, no matter how selfish it is, so thank you.