Dreaming With A Broken Heart

While everyone who reads this probably hates me, and while you will probably laugh and say "Look who is talking now." I don't care. This guy, I like him, a lot. Or I did. To night about one hour ago I logged onto my facebook and what do I see that he is in a relationship with another girl. Now wait this isn't even the best part, all of you haters will love this. I told him I liked him, and he tolf me he liked me too, but that he wasn't over his ex yet and he didn't believe it was fair to me, to be with me, when he wasn't over her. Great guy, huh? Well here I am after I get this message from him falling farther and farther down this dark well. He told me that maybe we could go to my schools fall dance and that maybe after the dance he would tell me if he was ready for a relationship. Win win, huh? WRONG! He called me on a friday and asked me to go on a group date with him and a mutual friend of ours that needed to go out with this guy but was only able to go on a group date, well through the whole movie me and this guy didn't stop talking and it lead to me laying my head on his shoulder and, eventially us holding hands while I am trying to avoid him poking me in the stomach. I thought wow, this is great you know here he is, he is being super flirty and everything is going great, hey, maybe he will decide before the dance. Well I was right, he did decide and before the dance. He told me that he "...didn't feel a spark..." I felt nothing but sparks all night, but apparentally I was way wrong. I decided to take this mature, knowing that we could stay friends, and maybe eventually more than friends. Well he contunually asked me "What's wrong?" "Are you okay?" Finally I couldn't take saying no any longer and told him, that I really liked, him that I thought there was nothing but "sparks" between us. That this always happened to me, I feel for a guy and he ends up not wanting a girlfriend. He apologized profusly and we continued on like friends. One night after that he texted me well past midnight on a weekday-night, well I was asleep, so when I woke up I was freaking out because he never texted me like this. He had told me that he couldn't sleep he had had a nightmare about his ex. Well being the good friend I am, I comforted him, telling him "you need to get over her." "You need to do better for yourself." "You're a great guy and you diserve someone way better than waking up in the middle of the night unable to sleep because you're dreaming about her." Well later on, before I went to sleep I had texted him and told him that if he was having problems at night that he could call me, and I would help him as soon as I could. Well that night at exactly 1:50am he called me. I woke up at the sound of my phone vibrating off the hook but didn't get to my phone on time so I texted him. I stayed up for a little over a half hour trying to calm him down, and eventually it worked and we both went back to sleep. I thought things between us were better improving and that maybe we would still hook up. Everyone started putting voices in my head that he liked this other girl and that they were going to get together, but I ignored the rumors "knowing" he wasn't over his ex. Everything between the two of us continued improving up until yesterday. Tonight right after coming into my room to settle down I get onto my laptop to check facebook and everything before going to sleep and what is the top thing on my newsfeed? That he is in a relationship with this girl that rumors were speculating about. I lost it. I don't know what I did wrong or what I always do wrong. I wish that for once I would pick a guy that wouldn't leave me in the dumps. I want a guy that likes be back and wants to be with me. But this is my life it is not a TV show or a movie so nothing ever goes good, everything goes bad, especially for me. People say that they have the worst life ever and while to you that it the truth, someone everywhere always has it worse than you, just alike someone always has it better than you. But one thing is that you have to remember to someone your the person that has it worse and to another you have it better. I know in one of my posts once I put "Que Sara, Sara." What ever will be will be. Well I am no longer living like any of these things I just put, well at least for tonight. I will post this blog, close my computer and curl up in a ball bawling my eyes out. And why you ask? Well because I hurt. My heart got broken because I put it in the wrong place, and I now know that he wasn't worth it, though for a while, I will still believe that he always was.